Story found in a local email stream –
This is a sad tale. The story has a villain and a victim. I am the villain, and my bike is the victim.
It all began on another perfect bay area biking Saturday. I met a couple of friends at Teatro in Orinda and we had a wonderful ride. When I returned to the car, I put my bicycle on the rack on the back of my car. Then, I must have gotten distracted. How?
Did I turn to say goodbye to someone? Maybe.
Was I focused on my audible book? Maybe. After all, I was on the last 50 pages of Neal Stephenson’s 3,000+ page Baroque Cycle and I wanted to see how it would end!
Is this an example of normal human error and fallibility? Absolutely. At least that’s what I’m telling myself to feel better.
Anyway, there is a small step after putting the bike on the rack that I seem to have overlooked. It involves securing the bike to the rack, and evidently it is an important step. I’ve had this bike rack for years, and I figure I have put my bike on it over a thousand times. If you think about, one error in a thousand isn’t an awful percentage. However, my bike might have a different opinion.
You’re probably wondering how I realized I had skipped this small step. I drove back to Montclair in a wonderful mood after a great ride. I was low on gas so I stopped, and stood by my car as it drank it’s fill. But I didn’t notice anything amiss. After that I stopped at my favorite pizzeria to pick up lunch (one advantage of doing long bike rides is you get to eat pizza). When I pulled over in front of the pizzeria, I looked in my rear view mirror and thought ‘where’s my bike’. My next thought was ‘did I stop home and drop it off?’. My next thought was something along the lines of ‘OH S***’. For a moment I thought it had been stolen. But then I remembered that it had not been out of my sight since I left Orinda. It was at that moment I realized who was the villain in this story.
I was briefly tempted to say “Oh Well”, and just go home. Fortunately, I had enough common sense to not do that. I realized that if the laws of physics were still in force, my bike must be somewhere between the Orinda and Montclair. I contemplated the possibility that the laws of physics had briefly been suspended, as this would be preferable to my own stupidity being responsible for all this. But I knew that the latter reason was probably true, so I retraced my steps.
A friend had bikes drop off his rack with no damage, so I was a little hopeful. In fact I once jumped out of his car to rescue a bike on a busy highway. We expected it to be totaled but it was rideable, and I rode it off the freeway. Certainly my own bike could fare just as well? No such luck.
Like a wounded bird thrown from the nest, it lay by the side of the highway. As might be expected, it was just past the on ramp from Orinda. It’s a place where a car accelerates while going uphill which provides a perfect opportunity for a bike to simultaneously reach escape velocity yet still hit the ground at 40 or 50 miles per hour. In case you’ve been wondering, I have definitively proved that falling on the ground at high speed is not advised for a carbon frame.
The patient was announced DOA at Cycle Sports. Fortunately, the death will not be totally in vain. The components are salvageable, so they can be transplanted to some deserving young frame. Also, Trek has a crash replacement policy that I might be eligible for. I will know on Monday about this, and also how long it will take to Trek to gestate a new frame. It’s possible, because its a crash, that I will be expedited. If not, it could be up to a 3 month wait. I’m glad so many people have discovered the joy of cycling during the pandemic, but I’m wishing there was some way those of us who have kept the bike companies going all these years could get some priority. Evidently, getting a bike is now up there with getting a vaccine, the only difference being that my age doesn’t help. A friend was gracious enough to loan me his spare bike which I rode today.
Are you wondering why I have bothered to tell this tale of woe at such length? I explained all this in detail to some folks this morning and realized that I would have to repeat it many times. I decided that those who are interested can read this email and that way I won’t have to remind myself on multiple occasions just how lame I was. Also, being able to joke about it a bit makes it easier to stomach.
I know you have one more question. Exactly what happened to the bike?! A picture is worth a thousand words. I suspect that when you view the picture below you will agree that it wasn’t a good idea to ride it home. I’m not sure if bike abuse is a crime, but if it is, I’m going to need a lawyer.
KTRSD, but make sure it doesn’t hit the ground at high speed!
WARNING: The Photograph below contains images that may be uncomfortable for some viewers and may induce bike-accident nightmares. Viewer discretion is advised.